WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS MAKE GIN AND LEMONADE

Listen up, you beautiful, chaotic flock. The Eagle is looking down from his perch tonight, and he’s got some things to get off his feathered chest.

Look around you. This room is packed. We love the togetherness. We love squeezing tight together. Yes, that’s right, squeeze tight together, damn it. Feel the body heat? Good. That’s what we call community. But let’s cut through the smoke and the neon for a hot second.

We all have that one friend. You know the one. The diplomat. The rock. The absolute pillar of the community who always has the answer, the solution, the perfect outfit, and the unflappable attitude. They are the person you rely on every single hour of the day. But let me tell you something from up here: some people put on a flawless face in front of others but are generally falling apart on the inside.

Even your strongest warrior could be bleeding out under the armor. They could be hurting. They could be at the absolute breaking point on the inside while they hand you a tissue and fix your problems.

LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER.

A Quick Sidebar (Because The Eagle Cares)

clears throat aggressively

For anyone out there who might be struggling right now: turn to anyone you can for support. Reach out. Scream. Raise a hand.

And if—as it so often is in our self-important gay existence—that support isn't immediately available because everyone is too busy staring at their own reflection? Please turn to the National 988 Crisis Line. There is zero shame in it. We need you here. The Eagle demands your survival.

BUT FOR TONIGHT? WE DRINK.

Tonight, we drink a perfect summer drink: Gin and Lemonade.

I wasn't going to add the recipe here because it is so incredibly, insultingly basic. It is two things. It is in the damn name. But ohhh god, I see you, Kevin. I see you standing there looking confused. You need it spelled out, don't you, Kevin? Hummmmm. Okay, fine. Here you go, you sweet, simple creature:

The "Kevin-Proof" Gin & Lemonade

Step 1: Get a glass. Put ice in it. (Don't eat the ice first).

Step 2: Pour in a generous pour of Gin. (The stuff that tastes like pine trees and bad decisions).

Step 3: Fill the rest with Lemonade.

Step 4: Stir it. Drink it. Stop staring at me.

AND FOR ALL YOU EXTRA HOMOSEXUALS OUT THERE...

For those of you where a standard gin and lemonade simply won't do because you need to be dramatic, theatrical, and high-maintenance? If you think you're too special for a two-ingredient drink?

I’ve got something just for you.

A swift kick right in the...

🍹 A PIMMS CUP 🍹

Yeah. That’s right. If you’re going to be extra, go all the way.

2 oz Pimm's No. 1

3 oz Lemonade (or ginger ale if you want to dance with the devil)

The entire produce department: Cucumber slices, mint sprigs, strawberries, and an orange wheel.

Pack it into a glass, make it look like a salad, and drink it while you tell everyone how complicated your inner monologue is.

Take care of each other tonight. Squeeze tight.

— THE EAGLE